Meet my girlfriend.....

I met her on an Arctic day in the Chicago suburbs she was timid and shy. I heard so much about her, I was just shocked I caught her eye. My miraculous memory still remembers our 1st elegant encounter; she was 45 still in her prime, Croatian, chrome colored lipstick, two tone with an angular body. This wasn't my typical quick fix of an adequately challenged cute face and a smile. Hell I had to jump through fire just to get her attention. See in order to get close, I had to flash my badge - felt awkward discussing her past but I had to ask.

My state of mind had me fantasizing about our future; summertime in the heart of Chicago on Lake Shore Drive doing 15 over the speed limit, laughing profusely while she's not even saying a word. Or in the middle of the Puerto Rican festival she's boosting my ego while imposing respect. Picture me with open toe sandals and a belly ring regardless even preposterous gangsters would still remain in check.

She's not really an attention whore, so I keep her concealed yet she still feels my affection. Contraception isn't really an issue because she's already protection. Can't explain the joy I feel watching her body jerk as she screams in approval. Sometimes I break her down, just to build her up - it's not disrespectful I just test her reaction if times ever get tough. I take her everywhere...even to work, at the rate of our relationship hell I might even take her to church.

Not your typical optical illusion this is more of cognitive psychology that's difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't been in an identical position. Our passionate relationship has me losing my marbles; posing in the mirror while gripping her hand, adjusting my wardrobe to fit her identity, just yesterday I even introduced her to my mother. Her and alcohol just don't mix so shockingly I'm cutting back on consumption, because uncharacteristically I understand the responsibilities she commands. If shit ever hits the fan I promise me and her will make the front page. But for now we'll remain inconspicuous when in public, but equally threatening when tested. She's my heart, she's my love, she's well respected. Meet Emily....

All pictures taken via BlackBerry Storm

Specs: Springfield XD Service Model, 45 Caliber, 13 round magazine, double action, Black Polymer, 5.5 lbs trigger pull, first and only handgun with a "grip safety", 4.3 Barrel, 30 ounce weight. Retail $699 (taxes included).....police discount $630 (taxes included).

For all you clowns out there with your 9mms.....just remember 9mms are for posers and security guards. Pun intended

Final Thought: Stranger than fiction? You be the judge moron.