In yet another over hyped cell phone study, the "Journal of Fertility and Sterility" finds that frequent cell phone use can reduce men's sperm count dramatically within a short period of time. Out of 361 men that were seeking infertility treatment, the majority of the men that used their cell phone frequently showed a major decline in their sperm count. It's a known fact that the electromagnetic energy from cell phones can damage tissue as well as DNA, however there's never been a direct connection to male sperm in terms of exposure to mass consumption of electromagnetic energy. This is great news for guys like me who aren't in a rush to have kids. It's funny and possibly disturbing but I remember reading years ago that Mountain Dew helps to lower men's sperm count. For 8 months straight my entire diet was based on Mountain Dew. From Captain Crunch & Mountain Dew, to Mountain Dew chicken noodle soup, hell I even tried Mountain Dew spaghetti. Well good news for me - I can reframe from Mountain Dew and focus on new techniques that will allow me to talk on my cell phone while performing a wide variety of sexual positions. Sounds fun....gee willy I love science research - seems like you can munipulate just about anything.

...Speaking of sperm. After doing research on the study mentioned above I was more than curious to know the condition of my sperm count. After spending time with a local laboratory to determine the quality of my sperm I realized all these years of bragging were nothing more but the modest truth in it's purest form. After doctors took many tests and thoroughly examined the results it was clear that my sperm was unquestionably abnormal. One doctor even compared the results to the "fountain of youth." A mixture of genetics, hormones, and my diet have contributed to this undeniable gift. Sorry ladies, all appointments for oral consumption are booked til August, until then you'll have to take a number and stand in line. Now I'm sure you're more than baffled by my accusations but don't take my word for it. Here's the news article (Global Associated Press) to further support my claims of withholding one of the world's best kept secrets.

Just when you thought the marketing of fast-food has reached it's peak there's an invention that puts that statement to shame. I call this invention the "Nugget Cup." The Nugget Cup features enough room to store your chicken nuggets and your favorite fattening soda in the same container! It's like killing two birds with one stone. Honestly I'm somewhat of a skeptic; I'm afraid that hot sauce will somehow find it's way into my grape soda. Call me crazy but I don't see that being a delicious combination.

It's important that you flush the toilet before taking any revealing photos in the washroom.

With all this media hype on the presidential election, it's hard to ignore the most important issues. In my opinion education is number one; let's face it - the kid's are our future.

The rumors of me being a homophobe are 100% inaccurate. In that past I've turned to many gay influences for fashion advice.

Russel Simmons never fails to amaze me. His friendly relationship with his ex wife's current boyfriend seems a bit questionable.

Final Thought: Isn't it funny how the same people who want "change" are the same people that were no where to be found yesterday at the voting polls. Being a hypocrite is one thing, but being totally politically unaware as to how important it is to vote is another. Unfortunately it takes some people to have the privilege of voting taking away from (felony convictions, etc.) them to clearly understand how important it is. If you didn't get a chance to vote yesterday, please cast your vote for the presidential nominee when the time comes. Otherwise when this county is in turmoil keep your opinion to your self. Because we all know the connections between "opinions" and "assholes." Yep that's right, everybody has one.